Learning to stop drifting and become the woman I picture in my mind
Right now, I’m sitting on my bed sorting laundry. It’s just after 4 PM and I feel completely drained. Yesterday, I spent the whole day in bed binge-watching Netflix. I barely did anything besides cook dinner. I stayed on my phone until 2 AM scrolling endlessly from one post to another.
This morning, I woke up at 7 but didn’t get out of bed until just before 10. Even after hours of lying there, I still feel tired. Not just physically but mentally exhausted, the kind of tired that comes from being stuck in a cycle that you know needs to change. Today, I realised it’s time to press the reset button and take control of my life again.
Realising I’ve Been Holding Myself Back
For a long time, I’ve been aware that I’m standing in my own way. My success, my goals, and the life I dream about. I’ve been jeopardising them through procrastination, tiredness, poor time management, bad habits, and not being intentional with my time.
I’m ambitious. I have so many plans and dreams in my head. But acting on them has been the hardest part. People often say to me, “You have five children, you’re studying, don’t be so hard on yourself.” I understand that, but deep down I know I can do more. I can be the better version of myself. I need structure, focus, and intention.
How I Lost My Balance
After I had my daughter, I promised myself I’d get back in shape and have a better routine. She’ll be three next month, and I still haven’t done it. Every other month, I tell myself this is the week I’ll eat better, be active, and start fresh. I usually keep it up for a few days before slipping back into old habits. It’s so hard.
I’ve realised I’m the one standing in my own way. I keep starting over but never really pressing the reset button and committing fully.
Pressing the Reset Button
Today, I’ve decided to do something different. I’m pressing the reset button not just for my health but for my mindset, my energy, my priorities and my future. I don’t have a specific number in mind when it comes to weight, but I want to drop at least one dress size.
I have a wardrobe full of beautiful clothes, some still brand new, that I haven’t been able to wear since having my daughter. I want to feel confident again. I just weighed myself: 86KG. I’ve always been heavier than I look, maybe because I’m big-boned, but I’m conscious that I’m getting older. I get out of breath running up the stairs, and that’s not how I want to live.
Choosing Health and Intention
From today, I’m making changes. I’ve cancelled Netflix, already cancelled Prime and Disney, and gone through my finances to remove unnecessary subscriptions. I’m taking back my time and my focus.
My main priority now is health, movement, and consistency. I want to eat better, exercise regularly, and rebuild my energy. This isn’t about waiting for New Year’s resolutions. I’m starting now.
Two months from today, by January, I’ll share my progress, how much weight I’ve lost, how my fitness has improved, and how I feel overall. Knowing that I’ll be sharing my journey here publicly is my motivation to stay consistent.
My goal isn’t just to lose weight; it’s to rebuild confidence, energy, and control.
Sometimes the hardest part is starting again, especially when you’ve failed before. But each new day gives me another chance to try, to grow, and to become the woman I’ve always imagined.
This reset isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being intentional. I want to wake up each morning feeling proud of myself again, not because my house is spotless or my to-do list is done, but because I’m showing up for me.
I’ve spent years putting everyone else first and I’ve let myself go. Now, I want to prioritise my health and my happiness, because when I feel good, I’m a better mum, a better woman, and a better version of myself.
It’s time to press the reset button and start becoming her.
