The Early Days
When I had my first son, everything in my life was in order, at least as far as I could control it, and I was managing well. I was in my late teens, moving into my early twenties, working two jobs, keeping my house spotless, and making sure every detail was cared for. I looked after my son and still found time to keep everything perfect. I was protective to the point of being overcautious. If he fell or hurt himself, it broke my heart. I wanted to shield him from every possible pain. That was the start of my journey with motherhood and perfection.
Holding On to Standards
When my second son came along, I continued to keep up the same standard. The tidy house, the home cooked meals and desserts, the quality time cooking and playing with my children. The careful and full on parenting. The perfection. And I managed and enjoyed every bit of it.
When Life Got Heavier
Things changed when I had my third son. Life became heavier, busier, and harder to control. I began to realise that chasing motherhood and perfection was costing me my health and my peace of mind.
I started listening to my body. If I was exhausted, I chose rest instead of scrubbing the house until midnight. I allowed myself to leave dishes in the sink overnight, something I could never have done as a first-time mum. That shift was uncomfortable at first, but over time it became freeing.
Letting Go
By the time I had my fourth and then my fifth child, the changes in me as a mother became even clearer.
I was no longer the perfectionist who kept everything spotless and controlled. I stopped measuring my worth by how clean my kitchen was or how carefully I hovered over my children. Instead I gave myself permission to let go.
When my first son was small, I could not stand the thought of him falling or getting hurt. But with my younger children, I realised that falling, exploring, and sometimes getting hurt is part of learning. I became less fearful and more trusting of their ability to handle life’s bumps and bruises.
A New Perspective
I remember worrying to a teacher friend when my first child, who was five at the time, was not reading well. He told me not to worry, that as he got older he would learn and improve. Now I am the one giving that same advice to friends and family, and I am no longer worrying about my other children.”
Motherhood and perfection no longer go hand in hand for me. I have learned that perfection is not the goal, presence is. My children do not need a flawless mother with a spotless home. They need a mother who is present, who loves them, and who has the energy to enjoy life with them.
Choosing Peace
The truth is, the more children I have had, the less perfect my life has become, yet the more real and balanced it feels.
And when I go to bed some nights with a messy kitchen, I remind myself that what I chose instead was rest. Rest makes me a better mother than perfection ever did.
Motherhood and perfection taught me many lessons, but the most important is that peace comes when I choose presence over control.
Letting go has given me the freedom to enjoy motherhood in a more honest way, where love and connection matter far more than appearances.
(As for unannounced visitors, well that is another topic. They will have to take us as they find us.)
